GOOD GOD—YOU’RE DOING IT ALL WRONG . . .
The Association for the Betterment of Sex (A.B.S.) presents Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk, a radical and invaluable resource for improving your sexual communication—whether you have been in a committed relationship for years, or have just moments ago removed the shrinkwrap from your new Japanese body pillow.
Here are just a few sensual revelations you’ll find within these pages:
- The precise location of the female G-spot (latitude and longitude)
- “Going on tour with Midnight Oil” and more outmoded masturbation slang
- Forced perspective and other techniques for visually enhancing the size of your member
- The Top Five pastry-related euphemisms for female genitalia
- How to score big at your next swingers’ party, with our crowd-pleasing ambrosia-salad recipe
- Listings of “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” dry-cleaning services, for freshening up your vinyl fetishwear or adult-sized Tigger costume
- Your first threesome, and how the ancient Mayans predicted it wouldn’t go over so hot
Exhaustively researched and fully illustrated, Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk is a must-read for you, your sexual partner(s), and anyone who wishes there was more to sex than thrashing around for a few seconds and begging for forgiveness.
SCOTT JACOBSON is an Emmy Award-winning former writer for The Daily Show and was a contributor to America: The Book. He has also written for the Academy Awards, Adult Swim, Saturday Night Live's "TV Funhouse" cartoons and New York Magazine. TODD LEVIN is an Emmy-nominated writer for Late Night with Conan O'Brien, and was a writer for The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien and The Onion News Network. His work has been published in GQ, Esquire, Salon, and Vanity Fair. JASON ROEDER is a staff writer at The Onion and has been published in the New Yorker, Salon, McSweeney's, and other publications. MIKE SACKS works in the editorial department of Vanity Fair and has been published in the New Yorker, Vanity Fair, GQ, Salon,Time, MAD, McSweeney's, the Believer, Premiere, Vice, New York Observer, and Esquire. He previously worked at the Washington Post. TED TRAVELSTEAD is an actor and writer. He has written for VH1, and been published in Esquire, Radar, Premiere, Maxim, McSweeney’s, and Women's Health.
“A spot-on parody of earnest sex guides, Our Bodies, Our Junk is a hilarious and addictive page-turner….an acerbic, witty take on a prime subject.” --Publishers Weekly
"Finally, someone has managed to find the hilarious flip side to the unspeakable tragedy we all know as 'human sexuality'.
-- Jon Stewart
"The perfect coffee table book for people with sexually inadequate houseguests."
-- Stephen Colbert
"Possibly the most irresponsible book written on the subject of sexuality since The Berenstain Bears Host a Key Party."
"If I had only read this book when I first started having sex, its wit and wisdom would have changed my life in so many positive ways that I would have become the six foot tall blond I was meant to be much, much sooner."
-- Merrill Markoe , author of Merrill Markoe's Guide To Love
"Whether you're a sexual Einstein (know a lot, never have it), or a sexual Tiger Woods (great golfer, have lots of it), this book will hold tons of embarrassing revelations for you. Quickly buy it and take it home, because right now the bookstore security camera is watching you reading it."
-- Bob Odenkirk , co-creator and star of "Mr. Show"
"If you absolutely must buy ONE sexbook this year that is as informative as it is disgusting THIS should be the one. Or not."
-- Buck Henry , screenwriter of The Graduate and To Die For
"Why, this is incredible. I...I've never seen anything like it. Jane! Michael! Father! Aunt Sarah! Constable! Little Bill! Arsenio! Cookie! Come quick!!!"
-- Robert Smigel , "Saturday TV Funhouse", Triumph the Insult Comic Dog
"So, so funny. This book disproves the old conventional wisdom that sex is a poor subject for humor."
--DC Pierson (Author, The Boy Who Couldn't Sleep And Never Had To)
"A hilarious guide to all things physical. Until the day our souls shed the disgusting meat caskets known as 'the human form' Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk will serve as the North star for all things weiner related."
--Tom Scharpling (Radio Host, The Best Show on WFMU)